Lesson Learned

Merry Christmas!  Jackson and I had a great day.  My parents came to stay and we all went to my sister and her family's place for dinner.  It was very good, though she didn't do turkey.  Jackson was super excited when he came down the stairs and saw what Santa had left.  He was thrilled with the train set, and the kitchen Nanny & Poppy gave him, and the trampoline.  But I went a bit overboard.  He got bored of opening presents so it was a bit too much.  Next year I will know, just one or two toys lol.  It will save me some money too.  He definitely has enough toys now.  To last for years. 

I'm a bit tired, I could use a nap but my parent's are out for brunch and will be coming back to get their dog in a little while before they go home.  So tomorrow I guess I can nap.  Jackson is also tired, he still has a cold and it doesn't seem to be getting much better.  I hope that lots of rest this week will help him get healthier.  I also hope I don't have to take him to the doctor.  I do hate when he's sick, and when I'm sick, and when I can't really do anything to help him feel better.

I had thought to try some potty training while we're off but I'm not sure I'm up to it.  I will put him on when he asks, and we'll watch the Potty Time movie, but I won't be doing the putting him on the potty every 30 minutes or anything.  I will save that for summer if he's not done by then. 

And in baby news, I still would like another kid, and am patiently waiting to sort out the money stuff, and lose some weight, and figure it all out.  Or I'll get a puppy... I already have a dog and two cats, but a puppy might kill the baby wanting bug for a few months at least... maybe :-)

Visit with a baby

Jackson and I went to visit a friend today.  She and her husband (who wasn't home today) moved into their brand new house at the beginning of the month.  They have Emmy who is about 19 months now, and baby Cooper who was born Oct 14th.  So she has her hands full.  I was interested to see how Jackson was with a baby, and to see if I remembered anything about how to deal with them myself lol, my little man is such a big boy now I was worried I'd forgotten how to hold a baby and all that stuff.

Cooper is very adorable, he sure looks like his sister, you can really tell they are siblings!  I am very glad Jackson finally figured out how to say Cooper (he's been saying Pooper since I showed him a pic a month or so ago...)  That would have been embarassing!  I have to say though, as much as I want a second little one, I am glad I don't have number 2 yet. She seems really busy, and as she put it, she has very little time for herself now.  She does have a husband around to help of course, but I think she still have difficulty getting time for herself. 

I was able to pick the baby up and hold him, carry him up and down stairs (tour of their new house), and I probably could have done a diaper change if needed lol, course I still do those for Jackson so I'm in practice on that... I am a touch jealous, she is 41 now, and got married at 39, first baby, now second, brand new house... all the stuff I'm supposed to want I think. And some of it I do, minus the married part :-)  Her house is really nice, brand new, no fence yet though, which I would really want for the dog, laundry upstairs, I'd LOVE that.  new appliances, and all that nice stuff.  Main floor is very open concept, basement is finished into a family room.  Only issue I have, it's a townhouse, end unit, but still attached. 

I can't believe that in less than two weeks my baby will be 2.  He seems so grown up sometimes, so different from a year ago, it's amazing to watch him grow and develop.  He is so freakin cute :-)  And I love him, love being a mom.  Life is pretty good.  Even when it all feels a little overwhelming.  I cannot wait for Christmas vacation, we are off for 10 1/2 days together,  I do think it'll take 3 or 4 for me to relax and get into the routine of it, and then we can have fun with each other, and all his new toys ;-) 

Shoes and other stuff

Today I had my first parent teacher interview at daycare.  It was interesting.  Apparently my son is behind in his fine motor skills, but good with the gross motor skills.  He can't take off his own shoes.  Or put on his coat, or completely unzipper it on his own.  I didn't know he should be learning the skills already, isn't it early?  I feel like I've been told I'm a bad parent, I should have been doing these things with him for months now apparently. 

I was also told he doesn't jump off things.  Umm, is he supposed to?  I mean I've been telling him for awhile now to stop jumping on things, let alone off them... but he's supposed to be able to do that?  Ok.  I guess I don't know much about this parenting thing!  He can climb a tree, a hill, run, hop, and go down the slide on his own, but he can't undo the velcro on his shoes.  I'm finding this all a bit strange.

He has a lot of words, he parrots and repeats almost everything you say (gotta watch myself driving...) but he only uses two word sentences... which is odd cause he was using 3 or 4 words tonight... maybe he doesn't do that there?  He doesn't always listen to the teachers, you know if it's time to go in and he's having fun they have to go and get him cause he won't come when called... ok... he's not even 2 yet! 

Oh, and while he plays well on his own, he doesn't like to be interrupted when he is playing, or have the other kids take what he is playing with.  He will also just go and take the things he wants.  Ok, he's an only child, he has never had to share!  I realize he needs to learn this but I don't think it's something he can learn in the two months he's been at this daycare.  Yes he's only been there 2 months.  In two months he should have learned to take off his shoes and put on his coat, and play with others, and a bunch of other stuff.

But he knows things, she did admit he's very smart.  He knows his colours and when you ask him things he knows what you are asking, and even in his parroting he seems to understand what he is saying.  I'm just a little frustrated I guess.  I mean I didn't know I was supposed to be doing these things, getting him to take things off and put them on.  It does explain why he took half his pajamas off yesterday at bed time.  He was practising his zippers. 

It was picture day today, and I took a pic before I sent him off to daycare... excuse the mess :-) And tell me how fabulously cute he is lol

Girl's Night Out

For the first time since my son was born I went out with some friends for dinner, and left him home.  My sister and my younger niece came over to stay with him, Jessica is 12.  I think she had fun but was a bit worried that he was bored and wanted to go to bed early.  My sister had gone home at that point to prepare for a short visit from my mom, and came back to help put him to bed.  I had hoped they would keep him up a bit, with the time change tonight, but alas he was in bed by 7:05. 

I had a good time, it was nice to be out, and have a nice dinner, take my time, and enjoy some good conversation (and gossip lol).  I will have to do it again, but think I need to find a babysitter I'll have to pay, that isn't related, since my sister and her girls are so busy they don't have time to come over.  It will be tricky since I'm not that comfortable with someone else in my home, or with my kid, so I'm not sure what I'll do.  Have to think about it I guess.  For this night out I had to book a week in advance :-)  My sister's girls are very busy kids. 

I have to admit I'm not really a go out a lot kind of a girl, never have been, so staying home with my kiddo is not a hardship. I do however like to eat out lol, which is something I need to work on any way.  I do like my friends, and have noticed that they have changed over time, as in I have new ones now that I am a mom than before I was.  It's funny too because the friends I have now who I am closest to were those acquantances I knew at work who were not as close.  Funny how things change.

The time change, it happens tonight, I hope it goes well.  He went to bed at 8:30 so I'm hoping he'll wake up at 7, rather than 6.  Cross your fingers!

On baby number 2 news, I've been tracking my temp with a BBT for a couple months now, and while it's great for showing me when my period is due... so far according to fertility friend on my phone, I've not ovulated once, I have to pretty lines on my chart.  It has me a little worried.  I am tempted to get some OPT's to check that way, though I don't intend to try right now, at least it might give me an idea if I'm actually ovulating.  Perhaps this week on payday I'll order some, hopefully they have a good expiry date and they'll be good a year from now when I do plan to try. 

Sick baby vs Hyper baby

My baby has been sick pretty much since he started at the new daycare.  I expected it to some extent, all the new germs in his relatively virgin immune system.  He started out with some colds, runny nose, coughing, a bit of fever.  Had a gunky eye that I thought was pink eye but wasn't, and the cough remains.  And then Friday daycare called me to pick  him up because he had a fever at daycare and was out of sorts.  On Saturday I noticed some stuff in his right ear and went to pick at it, cause I do that lol, and he cried, a lot.  So off to the clinic we went.  They said he has an outer ear infection and prescribed drops, no more swimming lessons til it clears up, and off we went.  The drops are murder to get in his poor ear, he creams, cries, thrashes about, I'm sure they don't go in there very well at all.  He was worse on Sunday, fever most of the day that would not go down, and when he finally went to bed he slept until 10am Monday morning... this is a kid who is up by 7 unless he's extremely ill.  So I took him to his doctor yesterday, who checked him over and said, ear infection in the left ear... umm ok!  That's  the other ear... whatever... she prescribed anitbiotics.  I asked, pleaded for the twice a day kind but of course she wouldn't do it.  Pain in the ass if you ask me, three times a day is impossible, I have to wake him up when I go to bed to give him his last dose, and then expect him to go right back to sleep.  I'm in for a few tired days myself I think.  And the reaction!  He takes the meds no problem, he's quite good about taking medications, I think he'd drink the stuff if I let him, but these antibiotics... wow... he's a hyper little sleepless monkey!  He had no nap today, was running around like a hooligan, crazy!  I'm almost looking forward to going to work tomorrow so I can relax a bit!!  Hopefully they can handle him at daycare tomorrow,  yes he's going even though the doctor said to keep him home a couple days... he's obviously feeling a lot better so unless he has another fever tonight, we're both back on schedule.  I hope that this is the end of the illnesses, I hope he finally starts to feel better and we turn a corner and he gets well.  It's so hard to see your baby sick.  Though I did enjoy the extra cuddles, and am not enjoying the hyperactive kid lol, it is just so frustrating to see your baby sick. 

On another topic, I have decided to wait 10 months to start my journey to baby number 2.  I have set some goals for that timeframe, including a dollar amount to have in the bank and a pound amount of weight to lose.  That puts me as starting to try in September next year, or at least going for a referral to the clinic at that point.  I also plan to get a family doctor before then, and hopefully get the baseline tests done, all that day 3 bloodwork, to see where I'm at.  And I'll be charting the whole time as well. To hopefully get an idea of my stats and what I'm looking at. 

It's all very exciting and scary at the same time.  I like my life, with my little man who is so amazing and wonderful, and who brings my such joy. I need to get on track with a few things, and hope that I can follow through on my goals. 

Happy Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving!  (in Canada).  We're at my parent's place to celebrate, and both Jackson & I are sick... however we are on the mend.  Jackson has been sick for almost two weeks, doctor said it's just a cold, but he hasn't been getting better.  He seems to finally be on the mend, some fresh air and lots of sleep seem to help.

We went apple picking yesterday and he seemed to quite enjoy it, he was pulling apples off the trees left right and centre!  Lots of fun.  He was quite the handful and I'm glad my parents were along to help wrangle him.  Today he went for a walk with my dad and I, to the park, and down to the dock to see the boats.  He loves watching the water and was chattering non stop the whole way.  He is a real chatterbox lately!  Tonight he also went out on the back deck to look at the moon with my dad.  He is suddenly dragging everyone around by their finger when he wants to go in a certain direction or do something specific.  It's cute, but also a little annoying lol.

Had a great turkey dinner, he ate turkey and gravy, mashed potatoes.  I enjoyed all the rest of the fixings as well.  And had a late dessert of apple cobbler, made from the apples we picked yesterday. Mmm mmm.  Lots of left overs to take home too :-)  Love leftover turkey! 

We'll go back home tomorrow mid-day, nap time. Hopefully I feel better because driving with a cold is not that much fun.  And it's a 3 hour drive.  But we'll manage, and the cats will be happy to see us home.  Then it's back to work Tuesday... yay?

On that note... bed time soon so I can hopefully get a good night sleep and feel better.

That 19 kids show...

I have to admit, I love the show.  I'm not sure why, I mean they are not at all like my family, and I couldn't live like that.  I think it has to do with the fact the kids are so well behaved, well they seem to be at least lol. Every time I watch the show I want more babies... though I don't want a husband :-)  I told a friend, if I won the lottery, and won the big $50 million, I would have lots of kids.  I would like to have more even without winning the lottery lol, but probably not 19. 

They have some interesting ideals, but they also do some interesting things.  I mean besides all the travelling, they do play and have fun, and they are free to be kids.  Well the younger ones any way.  The older ones I think spend too much time taking care of the little ones.  I do think it's pretty amazing they have no debt, won their home and manage to be frugal, though I guess they have little choice in that, well perhaps now they do since they have the show and makes them quite a bit of money I'm sure.

I love that they do so much together as a family, and am jealous of the home schooling, and the number of kids :-)  But I couldn't do what they do, and I would do some things differently.  I have learned somethings from watching though, and find it fascinating.

In general I watch too much TV, and am on the computer/internet too much.  I let Jackson watch more than he should too, it's only recently that he is actually sitting and watching though.  And usually more so when he's tired.  I find it hilarious when he gets really into the shows and starts dancing and singing along, super cute!  Gosh I love that little boy.

I wish that I could follow some of the money ideas that the TV family, they seem to be really good at not spending too much (buying crap) and saving money.  I have managed to save buying new tires for my car, I was told if I get them rotated they should last at least another year... so that's $30 instead of $500... big savings!  But I do buy too much crap.  Stuff we don't need that I have to have.  My son has too many toys, I swore I wouldn't do that but I buy him things because I think he's so cute, and maybe he'll like it.  Books are ok, he can have lots of those.  I do love to read to him, and see him get it, understand what we're looking at, start to know what the letters and pictures are of.  But I have a lot of room for improvement. 

Not much to say

Life is pretty good for now.  Money is tight, paying double daycare fees for the month was difficult, and I was very bad with my budget.  But we're managing, and things are good.  Well, Jackson has been sick, he woke up coughing the other night which lead to him throwing up, all over me... ah the joys of kids :-)  I had to have a shower at midnight lol, but he finally went back to sleep and was ok in the morning.  Today however he woke up quite sick, fevered and coughing.  So I kept him home today.  And he went back to sleep until 10am!!!!  So he was not feeling well, but he seems to have improved over the day.  He had a good afternoon nap as well.  He did not want to go to bed tonight, but a warm bath helped and he did eventually fall asleep.  Hopefully he's better tomorrow and we're back to normal.

We had a swimming lesson on Sunday, it was pretty good.  He did not want to let go of me, and has a fear of the water that he didn't have when we did lessons at 6 months.  I didn't know that the work on the pool meant if I changed in the ladies change room that I would have to go out and around, past all the kids on their way to hockey, and the parents having coffee and fries, in my bathing suit, to get to the pool the lessons are in... so next time we'll change in the special change room so I can save that embarrassment.  I couldn't even let him walk because he was barefoot by that point... sigh... I'll know for next time I guess! 

Not too long til it's Thanksgiving.  We're going to my parent's of course.  It'll be a nice long weekend, and hopefully the weather is nice.  We are probably going apple picking.  It should be fun, and having my parents there to help corral him will be helpful.  He does love apple trees, well the crap apple trees we see when we go for our walks.  He loves trees.  He loves going for walks too.  I feel a bit bad we haven't been to the park much lately, it's a bit of trek to get to, and it gets dark so much ealier now!  Hopefully the weather is nice this weekend and we can go in the afternoon. 

Any way.  Still thinking of number 2, but really enjoying my little boy right now, he is a lot of fun, and learning so much.  He loves to play, and is showing an imagination.  Life is pretty good. 

Just when I think everything is good

Jackson is doing well at the new daycare, he didn't cry Thursday or Friday at drop off, though his lip was quivering.  He is very cranky and tired, hungry, at the end of the day, and wants to leave NOW, but he seems to be happy and playing and having fun.  So that is a relief.

I decided not to pay the old daycare the two weeks, the contract does say I will give one month, but I feel she violated it, and broke it, by booking an extra 7 days, and even taking an extra sick day earlier in the year she should have reimbursed me for.  She sent me a text asking where her money was, I had sent an email but I guess she didn't get it yet.  So I told her I wouldn't be paying, and she got mad, of course, and threatened to take me to small claims court.  I told her I wasn't paying because she violated the contract, and I'd send her the email again.  It's very well written, thanks to some help from friends at work, and I think more than generous.  The whole situation makes me sick to my stomach honestly, I'm not good at confrontation.  But I don't believe it's fair what's she's done to me, and I don't feel I should have to pay her.  She told me on the phone that the Christmas vacation she doesn't get paid for... which is no where in the contract, those days are not mentioned, and if she had put that in there I might feel differently. 

The whole thing has been irritating, a learning experience I guess?  Something I hope to never go through again.  I certainly have learned what to do or expect with a contract, and I won't do daycare without a subsidy again (I hope).  Extra frustration, I know when this all began I found, and read, the contract, and now I can't find it for some reason!  I'm sure I put it some place "safe"... you'd think I'd know better lol.  Hopefully I find it soon... or don't bother to need it?  sigh...

Daycare drama... the saga continues

Well drop off this morning was not good.  I left feeling so bad!  Jackson was great going in, he did not want to go into the preschool room when we got there.  The kids start out in there until snack time because there are so few kids.  He was a trooper going to get his shoes changed and hang up his coat.  Then we went into the preschool room and there was a new lady in there, she didn't know Jackson so I introduced him, and told her he was new and he was about to cry so if she could take him to the window to wave goodbye it might help.  He started crying and was very upset but I had to go so I told him I'd be back, gave him a hug and kiss, and headed for the door.  I felt so bad I started crying before I got to my car.  He never did get to the window to wave to me, I'm not sure why but it upset me. 

I called the director and left a message but she's busy with the kids until at least 10, so didn't call me back.  I called her again at 1 and she answered the phone, so we chatted and I started crying (again) and she said when she got in at 7:45 he was at the table playing with the cars and the worker was there rubbing his back and playing with him.  He was doing ok, a bit teary at moments but by snack time he was fine.  I know he's ok once he's in the toddler room, he wanted to go in there this morning, I think he finds the other room overwhelming. Hopefully he adjusts (before I have a break down myself!)  I also found out my daily rate, which was great, and she said she'd leave paperwork for me to sign up for the direct debit (finally!).  That was great and it was all there when I got in so hopefully that starts soon.  It was also a bonus because I don't have to pay for the full month for September, so it's lower than I expected, which means I could put a little more gas in the car tonight...

I got home to a letter from the city telling me I owe them the monthly fee... Yeah no shit sherlock!!  OMG I called and left a very loud message telling the person who sent me the letter how unimpressed I am, that I've left multiple messages and no one could bother to call me back and help me out but sure send me a notice basically collecting.  I was so not nice, and so not happy.  Honestly, I've called twice, spoken to the receptionist who knew nothing, and even the daycare couldn't help me last week.  So mad.  It should be fine now but I expect to talk to someone from the city tomorrow or they'll be getting something from me in writing because I am livid over the treatment.  I asked at my interview how much I'd be paying and how to pay, and was told it's all handled at the daycare, daycare says no I need to pay the city monthly.  Very upsetting and frustrating.  I appreciate that I'm getting financial assistance here, but this is so stupid. 

Any way.  I am hoping that things get better by the end of the week.  Jackson was very tired and hungry by the time we got home, so it was a short evening with him.  All in all I'm not sure what to do about the daycare.  I am considering changing my shift, again, to 8:30 to 4:30, so I could drop him off quite close to snack time, and hopefully avoid the meltdown.  I am going to try this week out at 8 to 4, and see how it is by Friday, then I'll reconsider my shift.

I did also get to meet his "normal" teacher, she apparently was on vacation last week.  I quite liked her, as I have the other two regulars, so that is a good sign.  She was very nice, and obviously has paid a lot of attention to him. I forgot to read his daily book, I am used a weekly one so daily is hard to remember, plus he just wants to GO when I get there.  They are all quite excited that he uses cloth diapers, so that was neat lol.  And he had a fat lip they couldn't explain but had written up a report I had to sign saying I'd seen it. They think it might have been a bug bite outside or something, looks like he bit his lip or someone hit him (not one the providers).  Knowing how often he falls and tumbles it could have been anything but I think if he had fallen they would have told me.  In any case, it's better now, and considering he fell head first off my bed on Friday night, well this is nothing compared to some bumps and bruises he's had! 

Oh, we went to the baby boom show on the weekend and he saw Barney live.  I didn't know he knows who Barney is but apparently he does, that's ok lol, he had fun and it was nice to get out (for free).  I did buy a fitted diaper, though I'm not sure how I'm going to pick it up, I'll worry about that later, it still has to be made after all!  I think I can pay for shipping but not sure I want to lol.  Other than that I was good and didn't buy anything, though I did try on a carrier that I quite liked.  But since I have two on the way, we'll see once I get those what I decide to do.

And I'm still on the fence about paying the old daycare or not.  I don't want to, and don't think I should have to.  I saw two new kids there today (she's right across the street...) so I'm not worried about her needing the money so much.  It's frustrating.  But I'll figure it out!  Make a decision at some point I guess :-)

Crazy week

Well this week has been a little bit crazy.  Jackson started his new daycare on Tuesday and I'm not entirely sure how happy I am about it, but we'll give it some more time and see how it goes.  The first day was more overwhelming for me than for him, he seemed to do just fine, and I picked him up after lunch so he didn't nap there.  Wednesday seemed to go well, he slept there, but he was Starving when I picked him up, and ate a huge dinner. It seems there are a lot of distractions at meal times, there are 3 tables of kids eating, and a fish tank right there to watch, plus they eat at little tables in proper chairs, not strapped into a high chair, so he can easily get up and wander around.  Everyone tells me he'll get used to that and I hope he will, because dinner is later now than it was, it takes us longer to get home and then I still have to get dinner on the table, so we eat about half an hour later than we were.

He's also going to bed earlier, he is very tired, and they nap earlier in the day. It works for me really lol, since it means I get some "me" time after he goes to bed, all very nice.  And with him in bed at 7 (though not asleep until closer to 7:30, I have time to do one of my 20 minute workouts, and have a shower, before the "good" tv starts at 8 (I really need a pvr lol).  He isn't sleeping very well, I think it's been hard on him with the changes, and getting used to it all, his little mind is working overtime sorting it all out, and he also isn't eating as much during the day so wanting more milk at night, plus they don't do bottles there so he isn't getting as much milk, and he's also very thirsty at the end of the day, so I'm not sure he's getting enough water either, I mean to ask them about that next week.

It's been stressful for me too because I still haven't sorted out the payment!  I was told by the city I'd pay the daycare, the daycare says I should have paid the city... no one wants my money I'll happily keep it!  The director for the daycare is back on Monday so hopefully she can help me get it sorted out, and then I'll know what I'm actually paying each month as well!  That has also made things stressful for me. 

Then my car... on Thursday I got to my car after work and went to start it.  Nothing happend. No clicking, just nothing! Now my car has automatic lights, you can't accidently leave them on, so there was no reason for a dead battery!  But I have CAA so I called them up. Then I called my sister, because I had to go get my kid at the new (not right across the street from my house) daycare, and my parents, because I am totally broke and if I needed a new battery I couldn't afford it. By this point I was in tears, and as I was talking to my sister she asked what it did when I turned the key, so I climbed back in to try it again, and it started!  Reluctantly but it started... so I told her I'd call her from the daycare, and then called CAA to cancel the call, and off I went. The A/C was on and it stopped working about half way there, so I knew there was still a problem, and I was right.  I got to the daycare, put the window up, turned it off, and the automatic locks wouldn't work.  So tried to start it again and it was dead, again.  I called everyone, again, and went in to at least tell them so they'd keep him happy until I could get him. 

My sister met me at the daycare, took my car seat, and Jackson (who was not happy about the situation, he knows her but not that well) and off she went.  CAA showed up at the same time, and gave me a boost, the guy said based on what the booster thing said it didn't appear to be my alternator, so if it was the battery he could have CAA come to my house to replace it, and the person who would come do that could make sure that's what it was.  And I'd only have to pay for the battery, no labour or anything.  (So glad I got CAA!).  So that was great, the car was running, and the battery charged up, so off I went home to wait.  My sister brought Jackson back to me after he had dinner with her and her kids, and then the CAA guy showed up.  Oh, and the one who gave me a boost?  He lives at the end of my street and I see him every morning leaving for work... small city?  :-) 

The guy who came, checked everything out, showed me all the printouts from his little computer machine, and said the battery is fine, should last me two more years, the alternator is fine, and the starter is fine.  He lubricated things and tightened things.  It seems my battery died because I do "stop and start driving" and "short trips"  Seriously, his little computer printed that out... I still think it's way too sci fi for me, I mean the battery told him that?  Scary stuff.  So he told me to drive longer... ok... and that was that! 

All in all, it made for a hectic day.  And the next day when I dropped Jackson off at daycare, he started bawling as I was leaving.  Which made me cry all the rest of the way to work, and feel horrible for changing daycares and all of it.  I am determined to stick with the new place, I know in the long run it will be better for us both, and my bank account, but it is hard to change!  Hopefully by the end of next week everything will be on track and running smoothly, and we'll both be happy for the change.

I still haven't decided what to do about paying the old daycare, she feels I still owe her two weeks, I am considering paying her for one, and even that feels generous.  Everyone I talk to tells me not to pay her, but I don't want to burn bridges, or piss any one off.  The contract says I owe her a month's notice, but it also says she'll be closed for 10 days, and she's taken that and now got 7 more booked!  Which is the reason I about faced and decided to take the subsidised spot.  Technically she broke the contract, so to me the whole thing should be null and void, but I'm sure she doesn't feel that way.  All in all, a frustrating situation and one I will be glad when it gets resolved, and happy to not have to pay as much so I have an emergency fund (in case the battery really does need to be replaced!)

We're supposed to go to the Baby Boom Show this weekend, but Jackson has a cold, from the new daycare germs, so I'm not sure I want to take him out.  And I'm broke so can't buy anything any way, but there's usually free samples of things :-)  And I do love my free stuff!  lol. 

Ok, novel written ;-)  if anyone reads it lol, and I guess since he's napping I should go and clean something, or exercise, or move my butt or something.  Here I go!

Oh, one more thing lol, I won a prize on momstown, for their birthday contests, so I have a new picnic table for Jackson, it's really nice and way bigger/better than I could ever have afforded.  Kind of neat!  I won a prize from them last year as well.  I wish I had such luck with lottery tickets...

First day of new daycare

Well day 1 is done.  It was easy for him, not so much for me.  We got there for 7:45 and after putting his things in his little cubby we went to the big room to play until snack time.  Jackson thought it was fun, but he was quiet, he played with some toys and wasn't quite sure what was going on I think.  Snack time was at 8:15 and was cheerios and bananas.  Jackson had a few cheerios and then just wanted to watch the fish in the fish tank.  I wonder if I hadn't been there if he would have eaten more, or if he would have been ignored.  It was stressful for me, he seemed ok.

After snack time we went to play in the toddler room, he enjoyed that, they have a lot of trucks to push around, and a kitchen to cook in, plus a set of stairs and a ramp to go up and down.  When the third worked arrived it was time to change bums and get the kids outside.  It was pretty much 10 by then and so I left once he was playing outside and happy.  I returned at 11:20 which was a bit before lunch was done.  He again wasn't really eating, and it concerns me. I'm sure if he is hungry he will eat, but he is a slow eater and there is not time for slowness at this place.  I had picked up a burger and fries for my lunch (bad on many levels) but was glad to have a few fries to give him on the ride home.  He went up to bed when we got in, and fell asleep quite quickly, with a bottle, which he drained.  So he was hungry and/or thirsty.

I hope tomorrow goes well.  He'll be there all day and I'm not sure how nap time will go.  There are no bottles so that will be a change for him.  I worry about him being lost in the shuffle of kids, hopefully they pay some attention to him and he manages.

It was a little frustrating for me because the actual dirctor was not in, I liked her. Her replacement is not as good.  And I have no idea how to arrange payment, or how much I'll be paying, or anything like that.  And it's quite annoying.  I called my city worker when I got home but of course she's off on holidays for 2 weeks... so what now?  I don't even know what to do at this point, I guess I have to wait and see, but it's frustrating, I have things budgetted to a penny and now I'm screwed... Once we get through this it'll be fine, right? 

I did not get up early enough to exercise, or even shower lol.  I will have to start showering at night I guess, and getting him up a little earlier than I did so he has time to eat properly.  I really hope this gets better for me, and that he continues to not cry!

It starts tomorrow

Tomorrow is the first day of the new daycare.  I'm nervous.  Jackson doesn't care lol.  I think I have everything ready to go, clothes to leave there, new shoes all ready, diapers, wipes & cream, sunscreen.  And it's all labelled.  Tomorrow we are going to begin our new daily plan.  Since we have to drive to the daycare, and he has to eat breakfast before we go, I need to get up at about 5.  I should probably be sleeping now lol.  I hope to do a short workout, then shower and get ready.  I'll get him up around 6, or a bit later, hopefully he'll eat his breakfast.  Then we're off!  Tomorrow we don't have to be there quite as early as normal, since it's the first day they want to do a half day and have me stay with him.  I'm not sure this will be good or not, but we'll see how it goes.  I hope he enjoys it, and does as well there as he has been at the last place. 

I found out some interesting things about the subsidy program here.  I do qualify, and I'll be paying a set monthly rate.  Apparently the rate stays the same no matter how many kids I have in daycare.  This is a big thing for me.  And something I wish I had known sooner as I'd likely have wanted to start trying for number 2 sooner.  The biggest reason I didn't want to two in daycare was the cost, and now that's irrelevant.  I am gonig to get Jackson on the lists for before/after school care, subsidized, for the schools near here, I hope he'll have a spot when he's ready to start school, but based on my current plans for number 2 I may have another year, since I'd like to be home the first year on mat leave again.

Money wise, I'm pretty well screwed right now, I had to borrow money from my parents so that I can pay two daycares this month.  But in October I should be ok, be able to get on track.  I have a few plans for how to save more, though I really just need to stop buying "'stuff" :-)  I've already got a few Christmas presents bought, and my parents have pretty much committed to getting him a kitchen. 

Weight wise, I am tracking things, for now, and watching what I eat.  The exerecise first thing in the morning will help I think, but I have to actually do it.  That is the hard part of course!  I am hoping to start getting organic fruits and veggies delivered starting in October, there is a local company that does boxes of stuff, and I think it would be a good way for me to get the organic stuff, eat healthy, and try new things.  Between that and going to Costco to get meat, and of course my weekend cooking sprees, it should help me keep on track with my eating, and spending. 

I really need to do more cleaning, and keep on top of the chores.  I bought a vileda mop, it's reuseable, and you can use your own solution in it.  I haven't used it yet, but am sure it'll be great.  Since we're only doing a half day tomorrow at the daycare, when I bring him home for his nap, I'll try and get some cleaning done while he's sleeping... and not nap myself :-)

We had a good long weekend at my parent's.  He got to see the water at the dock, and the boats, and he loved it.  He's still asking to go to the water, boats, but of course I don't think there's any near here.  I might be wrong about that, and should probably look into it.  He slept pretty well there, but it's nice to be home!  I always miss my own bed. 

Which I should go get into now, I have to get up early tomorrow. 

the daycare visit

After reading about the extra time off my current provider is planning to take, which would have resulted in me needing more vacation days than I am able to take, I called the subsidized place to see if I still had a chance.  Luckily I called early and she agreed to take me.  So I went to visit today and it was really nice.  I was quite impressed with their operation, the meal plan and the daily plan.  They are happy to use my cloth diapers, and they have a great outdoor space.  The director was very nice, and the place is very secure.  I think Jackson will do well there, though I am not looking forward to the short transition.

I still need to have an interview with the city about the subsidy, I couldn't afford to have him there without it, it's about half the cost that the city is going to cover... That adds up to a lot of money.  Hopefully they call me tomorrow about the interview so I can get that over and done asap.  The start date is September 6th.  I have the day booked off to take an extra long weekend, now I'll be going to daycare to spend the day with Jackson there and help him adjust.  He'll do a half day then on the 7th he goes all day, unless there is a meltdown of some sort, in which case I'll have to go get him but that's ok with me.  They are closed the 3 days between Christmas and New Years, but I expected that any way so it's ok. Way better than the 10 days DCP is planning to be closed.

Now the sticky part.  My contract says I have to give one months notice, and I'll be giving two weeks.  I'm willing to pay for those two, obviously, and one more after he's done there.  But I do not want to pay her for a whole month.  Even that extra week is a bit much.  I feel as though she has violated the contract first because she says 10 days vacation but has already taken those, plus one booked in November, and the time over xmas... it would be 17 days in one year.  I don't get that many days in a year.  Never mind that I have take some extra time just for me. 

One good thing about the new place is that I can take my holidays whenever I want.  I have to pay regardless but if I want to take two weeks off in the summer, I can do that.  I will have to save 3 days for December, but that's fine.  I can do that. 

I am feeling blessed, and glad to have gotten the second chance.  Both a friend and my mom have said that this must be meant to be, and that someone upstairs is looking out for me.  I am not that religious but I do believe in a higher power, and something out there was knocking me on the head with the right decision to make.  That does help. 

The location is ok, could be better for getting to and from work but it was a 10 minute drive home from there.  I'll have to change my work schedule to 8 to 4, that's ok I guess.  And I will have to figure out how to actually get there and back, and avoid the construction currently going on.  I think we'll adjust to the new schedule.  Kind of funny it's labour day weekend, when school starts up here... I haven't had anything big happen around labour day in years!  Now it feels like I'm starting new :-)

daycare and holidays arg!

I decided to leave Jackson where he is.  He's happy there, and yes it costs more but he's learned a lot and is doing really well.  It's also very convenient.  But now I'm having some second thoughts.  Mostly because of vacation and holidays.  The contract I have with the daycare says she will take 10 vacation days plus the stat holidays (she lists them) and up to 5 sick days.  So she has technically taken 6 sick days already, but Jackson was sick for 1 of them so I'm ok with that.  She has also already taken 10 vacation days as far as I am concerned.  There were 10 days, not stat holidays or sick days, that she was closed. 

And now she's put more on  her calendar!  One in November after US thanksgiving.  Ok fine, I'll play dumb and call in to work that the daycare is closed because she's sick, so I can use a different type of leave than vacation days, but is she expecting me to pay her for it?  Then she's got herself closed from December 21st until January 6th! That is 10 working days, not including the stats for Christmas and Boxing Day, and New Years.  I am so upset!  That means I'll have to use 20+ vacation days for this year, never mind that I'll be using 2 1/2 of them when she's open but I want to take a day off.  I only get 15 in a year!  I feel suddenly trapped by her scheduled. Yes I think she should be able to take vacation, and yes she's giving me lots of notice, but I have no backup. There is no one to split these holidays with, it's all me.  I'm stressing out now because I'm not sure I have enough holidays to cover all these.  It's making me ill as I write this and I can't even check until I go to work Monday. 

Plus one of the days I'm not sure if she's actually closed or not.  And the 23rd is a bring the kids to work day at work, so I can not take the day off and bring him in, get paid for it, not have to use holidays, but how does that look?  I'm off the two days before because daycare's closed, but sure I'll come in on the Friday.  I also have to save a day off for February when she's closed for a provincial holiday that I don't get because I work for the federal government... yeah go figure that one out.  And if she takes any other time before the end of March, I have to take unpaid leave.  Because I can afford to do that... I'm quite upset (in case you can't tell) and am wondering now if I should have taken that other spot... at least it's a centre and while they are probably closed over Christmas, that's 3 days, not 10.  Arg!!! 

I'm so drained by all this crap, I just don't know what to do any more.  I would like to not pay her for the extra days, since they are above her 10 vacation days, but does that make thing uncomfortable for us?  Do I care?  I guess I have to because she's watching my kid... and I don't want him to suffer for it.  So stupid.  I wonder if I can change my mind now about the other daycare... course I don't have time to give a months notice so I'd be screwed there any way, have to pay for two places at once.  I feel ill. 

Daycare dilema

Just have to write this out I guess.  I love my daycare provider, she's great, she's convenient.  Jackson loves going there, he has learned soooo much and she has a lot of patience with the little boys.  Jackson likes his little friends there, he talks about them (though I don't always know what he's saying).  So what's the problem?  It's expensive.  And I'm a single mom.  And I got a phone call today, well a voicemail because my cell doesn't get great reception at work, from one of the waiting lists Jackson is on.  I have to call back but did some checking when I got home.  It's for a subsidized spot, so I'd save about $350 a month, over two years that's close to $8,000.  That's the down payment on a house, or payment for fertility treatment ;-)

The new daycare is on the way to work, sort of.  It's open 7:30 to 5:30, so I'd have to change my hours.  They wouldn't give him breakfast so I'd have to get him up earlier for that.  There are more kids there, so he'd have more friends, but also perhaps less attention.  There would be girls there, he now only has boys to play with, it might be nice to have a variety.  And if someone is sick, I wouldn't have to keep him home (unless it's him of course).  I mean now there is only my DCP, so if she is sick, she is closed, and I have to take the day off work.  I wouldn't have to take my holidays when I'm told, I could take holidays whenever I want to. 

It is a strange position. If he wasn't doing so well where he is, if it wasn't so convenient, if he didn't like Kristina so much, and if it wasn't so much money... I wouldn't even consider not taking the spot.

Another thing that worries me is there was one write up I found on this particular daycare and they go on about how it's for "families in need" and they are "serving poor families". Well sure, I qualify for a subsidy but I don't think I'm poor!  I mean the subsidy would be awesome, but do I need it?  Am I taking a spot from someone who really does NEED it? 

I will probably call them tomorrow and ask a few questions, will they use cloth diapers, some of their policies, how naps work, things like that.  I'll decide if I want to go and see them, and go from there I guess.  My gut is, he's doing really well where he is.  My head tells me to consider the option... it's a lot of money, and while money isn't everything, it sure makes things easier. 

As a funny side note, Jackson has recently become obsessed with the potty, and has peed on it twice.  DCP is willing to start working on potty training, though I don't think he's quite ready yet.  It is interesting and I wonder how much of it the other little boys there, one who is potty trained, and so he sees this. I'm really not ready for potty training yet!

the haircut

My little boy was born with a lot of hair.  He's had about 6 haircuts up to today, 3 at hairdressers, and 3 by me.  He's always been really good about it, sits still and likes to watch, tries to see what I'm doing.  Today was a completely different kid.  He flipped out!  I mean he was screaming crying, sobbing.  It was not fun, and I felt bed doing it but I thought after the first swipe with the clippers he'd be ok, but he wasn't. Of course then I had no choice but to finish!  He does look adorable but all evening it's been yelling at the chair he sat in for the hair cut, saying "baby crying" and "bad Mommy".  I almost wish he couldn't talk lol.  He was very tired, so I'm sure that contributed to the meltdown.  He was very tired all evening, and very mad at that chair lol.  I had to put it away so he couldn't see it any more.  He fell asleep pretty quickly though, so hopefully by tomorrow we'll be ok.  And perhaps we need to do haircuts a little more often, or let him grow it out?  :-)

Busy days, and bumps on the head

Life has been busy lately, it seems like the days and nights are just flying by!  I've had a few vacations down to see my parents, Jackson always seems to end up sick when we go down there, but it's still nice to go.  He loves being there but is find with leaving so it's interesting to me to watch.  He's been learning and growing so fast.  He knows his colours quite well, his favourite is YELLOW!!! as he screams whenever he sees it.  Love it.  Problems occur when I do things like wear a purple bra and he sees it, then proceeds to look for it when we are out and about... yeah that's fun :-)  But I still think he's doing amazingly well with learning all these things and am sure he's the smartest little boy ever ;-)

Today was a bit difficult. Things were pretty much normal, went to work and all that good stuff.  Then I got a phone call from daycare, she never calls.  Apparently Jackson fell off the couch at her place and landed on the back of his head.  He then threw up, she's a nurse so of course she called me. I was getting my things together to go get him when she called again... he was staring into space and acting dazed.   So I got to her place as quickly as possible... and he was fine.  He apparently had snapped out of it pretty quickly and was watching the books and playing. I stayed for about an hour or so, watched him start eating lunch, and then left him there.  She said he seemed fine and she'd keep an eye on him. Being a nurse, I thought she'd have a better idea of what to watch for, and didn't want to take him to the hospital for observation. 

I love having a daycare provider who is a nurse, it is a relief to know he's in good hands.  When he was coming out of the staring she did some tests with him, checked his eyes and ears, hand grip, asked him some questions.  It was interesting because she did things I never would have thought of.  So I am very relieved.  I will probably still wake him up when I go up to bed to make sure he's ok, but he seems to be fine now, thank goodness.  It was one of those moments when it would be nice to have someone around to lean on, it  was stressful for me, worrying, and then relieved that it was all ok. 

We've been having a good summer other than the illnesses, and the bumps and bruises. Last week was very hot, but we survived.  A trip to the beach made me realize he really needs some swimming lessons, so we'll be signing up for some in September.  After that we'll see if it's more swimming or gymnastics.  Funny thing, I think he's going to be a dancer. There's a part of one of his videos where the little boy in black tap dances across the screen, well every time Jackson sees it he gets up and stomps his way just like the little boy.  It's too cute, and makes me want to sign him up for dance classes!  Time will tell I guess.

Still thinking of what to do about number 2, I really want another baby and time is ticking, but I'm trying to focus on money, and getting in shape.  I'm still not sure if I want to start trying this fall or wait another year.  I am really enjoying Jackson right now, it's nice the two of us, and I know that'll change quite a bit, but I still want that change.  So I'll wait for now, and see what happens.

Lovely long weekend

We're back home from a long weekend visit to my parent's.  Daycare was closed today as well so we just got back today.  Back to work tomorrow sadly.  It was a nice trip but poor baby got a cold, so we didn't get to go to the beach, I was a little disappointed by that but we'll have to go back I guess.  I also had a bit of a cold so it was nice to be down there and able to get some good sleep.  Nanny got up with the baby so I got to sleep all night.  Except of course I'm so used to being up in the middle of the night I got up to pee any way.  Still it was nice.  The AC was great too... it's hot here!

My parent's got a sandbox for the boy, bigger one that I have.  Not sure how much he'll get to use it since we don't go down that often, but he does like it any way so that was nice of them, and good for him.  He really enjoyed being down there with "Nana" & "Pockey" That should be Poppy as my nieces call him, but he can't quite say it so Pockey it is!  And 'Uke their dog (Duke).  It's very cute. 

Hopefully the baby sleeps well.  The first night down there he woke up once but then slept until 9am!!!!!  That does not happen. Ever.  The rest of the days he was up around 6 but my mom let him babble in his bed until 7.  She said he was reviewing the previous day, talking about the big truck, big pail, water, etc. 

And now we are home, and it's hot! The weather is warm and humid, summer has arrived I guess.  Work is air conditioned, but daycare is not.  I think he handles it a little better than I do though, and he's good about drinking lots of water. 

My cats are happy to see us.  They had lots of food and water left but of course they still think they're going to starve to death or something.  I am not sure if they will sleep with me or not, it's hot so probably not, but they missed us so maybe yes.  Be nice to have the bed to myself tonight, Riley shares the bed with  my at my parents. 

Any way!  Almost time for bed I think, I'm tired from the long drive, and still not feeling 100%.  So sleep would be good.

Lovely weekend

Jackson and I had a lovely weekend, we went to the store yesterday and it was a good trip.  We got some good stuff, and stopped for McDonald's breakfast on the way home.  He gobbled it up!  He does love those breakfast burritos lol, and hash browns.  I'm sure McDonald's is very bad for us, but we usually get the breakfast which I think is better than the rest, and he does love it.  We had a good rest of the day, though the weather was a bit crappy.  We went out for a walk and ended up getting rained on.  It was funny because Jackson can say rain, water and wet now so I got the play by play on the way home :-)  And even once we got home he ran to the back door to watch the rain. 

Today was pretty good as well.  We went to the bookstore because someone was rather cranky and I've no idea why.  He ate a huge breakfast, and later a big lunch and amazing dinner.  Even had a big snack before bed.  I think he's going to grow again :-)  He was pretty good at the bookstore, though it was kind of exhausting for me since he loves books and was trying to grab them all off the shelves.  I got him 4 new books, they were buy 3 get one free and from the bargain section.  He loves the one about trucks and tractors. 

And tomorrow it's back to work, back to daycare.  But only for 4 days!  July 1st is a holiday here, and I have July 4th off as well, so we'll be off to my parents, and hopefully the beach.  I picked up a Puddlejumper for the beach and swimming, it was on sale and a good deal.  I've heard great things about them, and look forward to trying it out.  It should fit next year as well, it goes up to 50 pounds, so it'll be good to get some use out of it.

On another note, I've been worrying more and more about my fertility and need to figure that out.  I have been trying to wait, and work on losing some weight, saving some money, before moving forward.  But I'm thinking I need to maybe get checked out to see what I'm looking at.  I don't know if a thermometer might help me at least see if I can tell when I'm ovulating and all that.  It seems that my cycle is shorter, and varies wildly from month to month.  I had hoped to wait until the end of summer before trying to do anything, or investigating.  I might not have that time.  I do know that I am so blessed to already have my son, and if it turns out I'm too late, well I have a great kid already so it's not the end of the world I know, but I also feel incomplete as a family.  I'm 36, that shouldn't be too late. 

Another issue now is that a friend is getting married down south in the spring, and apparently I am being invited.  So that's $1500 I need by fall to book my spot, and then worry about what to do with the dog and the baby while I'm gone for a week.  And that's $1500 I could use for a month or two of IUI's.  I don't want to stop my life but I don't know what is best.  It's a hard decision, I'd really love to go but am not sure it's best for my life.  I could wait a few years, and take my family some place with a beach when they are old enough.  But I have never gone to an all-inclusive.  And it would be fun. 

Work work work

I'm back at work after my too short holiday.  The baby is finally starting to look less beat up, he had a few bumps and bruises from our stay with my parents, and a bad rash on his face.  I assume the rash is from sunscreen but can't be sure.  It's finally clearing up though his skin is now a bit scaly and rough, at least he's not as itchy.  The first night home was rough, he was up for awhile scratching at his face.  We stopped at the pharmacy and the pharmacist was a big help.  I often ask them questions instead of going to the doctor as they are familiar with the medications and what can be used for kids.  They will also often mix things up for you, one made a mixture for Jackson's eczema last summer when it was really bad on his back and it was quite helpful. 

Work is work, I go and do it because I need to make money, and I have a great pension plan, plus other benefits.  I wouldn't say I love it, but it pays the bills and keeps a roof over my head.  Hopefully it will pay for another baby, and now a wedding trip.  My friend is getting married next April some place South and warm, apparently I'm being invited which was a bit of a surprise to me.  And I'd really like to go.  But it's going to cost money that I was setting aside for baby 2, and mean leaving Jackson (and the dog) with my parents for a week.  Not sure how I feel about that.  Though I know he'd be fine, I think I would really miss him. 

I was realizing I haven't really been apart from him since he was born.  I've had a few hours off here and there, and being back to work I drop him off at 7am and pick him up at 4:30.  I've left him for a few hours with my mom or my sister, but I don't go out in the evening and I'm always the one to put him to bed at night.  I don't really regret that at all, I know when he's older I can look for a babysitter so I can go out for dinner or what have you, but right now, I enjoy the evening time with him (most of the time lol) and don't really trust anyone with him beyond my family.  My nieces are both of babysitting age, the younger one has just started babysitting, so that will be an option, perhaps this summer I can get her to watch him, and have her stay overnight maybe. 

I'm trying to plan when I can take a bit more time off, I don't want to use up all my holidays because I will need some time off around Christmas when daycare is closed, but I do want a few days to go to the beach, and have a bit of fun.  I am off for a long weekend July 1 to 4th, so that will be quite nice, we'll go down to my parents again I'm sure, they have central air conditioning, and are close to the beaches :-) 

I think it's time for an early night, it's raining and I'm tired.  One thing I've learned being a mom, sleep when you can! 

One more day

So far this holiday has been going pretty well.  I am enjoying being home with my baby, who is such a little man!  We went to visit my parents for a few days and he had a lot of fun.  Apparently he's really smart too.  He was playing with my dad, they were stacking some coasters he had dumped on the floor and my dad said "one" and Jackson proceeded to say "two, three, four, five, six" which is how many coasters there were, and said this without any prompting beyond the "one" to start.  At some point in his 18 months he's learned how to count... that's good right? 

We had his check up Wednesday, and the last shots for awhile.  He is a whopping 28.6 pounds and 35.4 inches tall.  That's 75 percentile for weight and off the charts in height... He's a big boy!  And healthy, talking up a storm, doing all the things he's supposed to be doing at 18 months.  Right now he has a big bump on his head from a bad fall at my parent's, and a big rash on his face from either sunscreen or tomatoes... hopefully that clear up by tomorrow! 

It was a nice vacation at my parent's, my mom got up at night with him, so I got to sleep straight through, which of course I didn't.  When you have been getting up at least once a night for close to two years it's a hard habit to change lol.  We got to spend some time in their backyard, with a little kiddy pool, Jackson loved that.  He ran around saying "wader!" and splashing, it was quite cute.  We are hopefully going back for the long weekend in about two weeks, and will hopefully get to the beach then!

Overall I've been enjoying this time with my little boy.  We have one more day before I go back to work and he goes back to daycare.  Other than getting some milk, and maybe some fruit, there's no real plans.  Probably a trip to the park, a walk, and hopefully a good nap!  The problem with 3 hours drives are he usually doesn't sleep the whole time any more, and when he wakes up he's unhappy to be still in his seat, and then of course doesn't have a nap when we get home either. 

Diaper dilemas

I've been using cloth diapers since my son was about 7 months, it was the best decision, and I wish I had started sooner.  He is, however, a big boy.  I had a hard time then finding diapers that fit his rise with what I felt was room to grow.  I did manage to find a few I liked, and rarely paid full price for them.  I have yet to find a good over night solution and we use a disposable over night, he still leaks.  I have a selection now, mostly pockets and all in ones, they are the preference of my daycare provider, and easier for me too.  I am however getting worried.

Most of the diapers I have are starting to get a bit low in the rise, and look more like bikini underwear than a proper diaper.  Having a boy, good coverage in front is important.  A couple will still work, my sweetpeas should last awhile, and my one size fuzzibuns might last another 6 months or so.  The mediums, I'll be lucky to get another 2 months out of.  I love my TotsBots AIO's but they will probably only last another 6 months or so, which is sad because they are so cute, so absorbent, and bamboo, so nice and natural.  I know my boy will not be potty trained before 2 1/2 at the earliest, he has no interest, doesn't even seem to know what's going on down there, and never complains if he's wet or dirty.  So I need diapers to last another year.

As an attempt to try something new, that will hopefully fit, I ordered a couple Thirsties Duo pockets in size 2, and AMP AIO's in large.  I ordered from Caterpillarbaby, who was great in answering some questions and recommending the Thirsties.  I wanted to get some happy heiny's but the new fit is an inch shorted in the rise, so there is no way they will last.  I am still on the look out for some of the old style, and hopefully I'll be able to pick a couple up. 

The Thirsties fit really well, they are super cute, and have the same two openings that I love about my sweetpeas.  They come in some nice colours and a couple cute prints.  The prints cost a dollar more but I splurged and got one.  The inserts are great, there are two that snap together, the top one is microfiber and the bottom one is hemp, so you get the best of both, with the microfiber pulling the moisture away quickly, and the hemp holding lots of liquid.  So far they seem to be working really well.  Of course he always poops in the new diapers as soon as I put them on him... but I tricked him and had two!  The second one did hold up to a good 3 hours stretch, no leaks, no red marks, and it looks like he can grow another 2 or 3 inches, though it depends on where those inches are lol, the rise should last. 

The AMPs were great as well.  I was actually surprised as I tried one in the demo I did when I started and did not like it then.  I still do not think I would like the AMP pockets as they look puffy in front, and that's not a good look on a boy.  The AIO's were great though.  They take a long time to dry but are super easy to wash.  I again bought two, and they both stood up to a few hours of pee'ing.  I have a heavy wetter, so this is a big deal to me.  Also, no rashes or anything, so they wick the moisture away nicely.  I don't think I would use one overnight, but as I said, I have yet to find any cloth that will hold up to overnight (and up to 4 bottles between bedtime and overnight).  I like that the AMP's come in a lot of colours, though I don't think any prints, and they don't need to be prepped.  You need to wash them once first of course but not multiple times like the Thirsties inserts. 

I am debating how many I need to get, and how soon.  I am still hoping to get some HH, they are OS which would be good to have for baby number 2.  That is one thing I'm hoping for with all these diapers, that I can use them again on baby number 2.  I might sell a few that I'm not as happy with, and replace them with ones that I really like. 

All in all, using cloth diapers has been a huge learning curve but also incredibly fun.  And actually it is easier in the day to day to use them than I thought it would be.  I wish I had started sooner.  At least I know for next time, and am all set to start. 

Is it Friday yet?

I'm anxious for the weekend to arrive.  My daycare is closed next week so I am off for the whole week.  It'll be the longest stretch of time I've spent with Jackson since I went back to work, and I'm really looking forward to it.  I do kind of wish it was later in the summer so we could go to the beach, but I'm sure we'll manage to have some fun!  Hopefully I'm able to handle it, I'm out of practise! 

My plans aren't huge, we will do some shopping because mama needs some summer work clothes!  The last summer I worked I was pregnant, and while I'd love to wear my maternity shorts and capris to work, I'm sure there'd be some talk :-)  So shopping we will go!  It's actually good timing too, because I live in Ontario and will be getting $335 from the Ontario government on Friday because of the stupid HST.  We might go to a mall and have lunch there too, we'll see.

I plan on taking him to Valleyview Farm, which has a train ride and a petting zoo area with baby animals, as well as a big play structure park area.  I'm sure we'll have fun, and he's free this year because he's under two, so we just have to pay for me.  We've gone once but I didn't really let him run around, and this time I think I'll have him walk instead of taking the stroller.  Could be a mistake, we'll see!

His 18 month appointment is Wednesday, and he gets his last shots for awhile, so that day will likely be a write off, hopefully we'll be able to go to the park in the afternoon, but I expect he'll be tired after the shots, and ready for an early nap. 

Then Thursday we're going down to visit my parents for a few days, I think we'll come home Sunday, which happens to be Father's Day as well.  Hopefully we both have fun, I know I'll be ready to get back to my own home by the end of the trip, and my poor cats will miss us of course.  But I want him to spend time with his grandparents, and I know they want to see him.  Plus it's nice to get a little spoiled down there, I don't have to cook or do dishes, they help play with him, entertain him, even walk my dog!  So it's nice :-)  I'm hoping we can all go out for breakfast but we'll see. 

So all in all, it'll be a nice week and I'm hoping we can work on some sleep issues while we're at it, maybe sort out bed time and wake up time, naps and all that... not too much to ask for a week is it?  I'll probably take some more time off in the summer so we can go to the beach, my parent's live near Sandbanks Provincial Park, which is an amazing beach, and I'm sure he'd have a lot of fun there. 

I have one more day of work to get through though... and that's going to make it a long day of work.  Especially since my usual coffee partner is off. 

I have to say, having this time off is making me look forward more and more to the time when he's older and we get to spend summer's together.  I'm hoping that I'll be able to take the whole summer off work, there is a program called leave with income averaging, so I can take the summer off, with no pay, but the lack of pay gets averaged over the year.  Since I expect to have two kids by then, it'll be worth it to not have to pay for daycare or day camps for two months.  Plus, I get to spend the time with my baby!  And I'm sure we'll have lots of fun.  One of the perks of working for the government, particularly in my area. 

Trying to exercise

You would think that after almost two years of little sleep (my boy is not the best sleeper, he rarely sleeps straight through the night, and I had a hard time sleeping my last trimester) I'd be able to either manage on this amount of sleep, or be able to fall asleep easily.  But no.  I have hard time falling asleep every night, even though I'm tired.  It's going to be worse in the summer, when it's hot.  Which is starting now.  And then you'd think that since Jackson wakes up around 5 some days, and goes back to sleep with a bottle, that I'd be able to get up then and do my workout.  But no. 

One of my goals before trying for number 2 is to lose 20 pounds.  Technically I need to lose more than that but that is probably about what I need to be healthy, I think, and to feel better, and what I can lose in the time I've given myself.  I have noticed, when I do manage to workout, that it is easier than I remember, the workouts, especially cardio, don't seem to be as hard as I thought.  I'm sure it's from chasing a toddler around, getting up and down from the floor, running up and down stairs carrying a 28 pound baby/toddler, and all the walking we've been doing.  But it's not enough.

I know that diet is 80% of weight loss, and I'm trying to do better.  It is easier with having Jackson, I eat better because I want him to eat better, and he does love his veggies and fruit.  But then he goes to bed.  And I sit.  And eat.  Tonight I made a 4 minute microwave cake.  I only ate half of it, but still!  Not exactly healthy!!  I should have had an apple.  Or even the 100 calorie chocolate pretzel pack in the cupboard.  But no, I make a cake!!  It was pretty good though. 

I've been trying to get up to workout early, but haven't managed to do it yet.  Then I try and workout when I get home from work, before I go get Jackson, but I haven't done that very much either.  I am still getting us all out for a walk after dinner, but it's right after dinner so it's not really a power walk or anything.  I guess it's better than nothing.  But I have this flabby stuff left over from when there was a baby in there, and it's not pretty!  I admit, I was pretty flabby before too :-)  But this is flabby in a new way. 

I want to be healthy, I want to show Jackson that we can be active, and eat well.  We can live healthy lives and live a long time, enjoying lots of things in life.  Why does it have to be so hard?  I know new habits are hard, it's all hard, but it should all be doable.  I need to buy more fruits and veggies, and then actually cook and eat them lol.  I need to make a meal plan, and stick to it!  Shop only for what we need, stop making microwave cakes :-)  Take my lunch to work, stop buying coffee everyday.  I pretty much need to do these things or I won't be able to lose those 20 pounds, or save the money I need to try and get pregnant again.  Who knows how many tries it'll take! 

If anyone knows an easy, here eat this kind of plan, please let me know!  I keep finding them but they are hard to adapt to a toddler.  I've seen low carb, or low carb afternoon diets, but my baby needs potatoes and pasta to grow well.  I've seen low fat, but he needs fat too.  And I've done vegan/vegetarian before, and didn't lose weight on it.  We still do vegetarian meals a couple times a week, to save money, but I can't see doing that daily.  I think I need to be told what to eat when, or I get distracted by pizza and burgers :-) 

Alrighty then.  Time for bed.  Actually late for bed, but diapers are washed and ready to hang, and baby sounds restless so it might be warm up there... here's to a good night's sleep!

Da da

I've read some books on single moms, that explain how to deal with the daddy question.  And they are great, and I'm sure I'll use the advice in a few years when he really starts to understand.  But for now... how do I cope with Jackson calling every man he sees "da da"? 

I blame the signing DVD's we watch, they all have family segments with mommy, daddy and baby.  So of course he gets the mommy part, he has one of those.  And he gets the baby part, one of his favourite words actually.  But then the daddy part comes on, and apparently all he sees is it's a man... and having nothing in his little world that really fits that, he just thinks every man is called da da.  I know he's seen some daddy's, the other kids at daycare sometimes have their Daddy come get them.  Jackson calls them da da too. 

Not sure entirely how to deal with it, I mean he's a little young to understand the concept.  I can't stop showing him the DVD's, he really likes them, and he learns a lot from them.  I tell him the random men we see when on our walks are not his da da, but as we don't have a dad at home, I think it's going to be hard to really explain.  I'm hoping as he gets older it'll get easier to deal with.  I do have a story I tell, to explain that we have a mommy and me family, with no daddy.  But, I guess he doesn't get it yet. 

Ah sleep...

It seems that every time Jackson's sleep gets better, a few days later it gets much worse than it was before.  I was home Friday sick (feeling much better now!) and managed to get quite a bit of sleep myself.  I picked him up from daycare and we were all set!  I knew it was going to be a bit of a rough weekend, the weather was going to be rainy and icky (it was) so we wouldn't be able to get out and about.  Plus I'm kind of broke at the moment, so we couldn't go anywhere. 

Friday night wasn't too bad, he went to sleep pretty well.  Woke up once, gave him a bottle and he went back to sleep.  Then he was up at 6.  In the morning.  seriously!  I am so not a morning person but since having my son I do not get to sleep in any more!  I was a bad mommy and gave him a bottle, he was content for another hour or so, I think he went back to sleep for awhile and then woke up babbling and having a great time, so we were up for the day at 7.

Because we didn't get out Saturday, and he wasn't very tired, I tried putting him down for his nap at 11:30, usually he's asleep by 12, but this weekend he decided he'd stay up, so I got him up again and we tried at 12:45, it took him another 30 minutes to fall asleep, and then he only slept until 2, so about an hour long nap.  You would think after that he'd be tired Saturday night for bed... but no!  He was up, babbling, talking, crying, saying "book" and "park" over and over again, with an occasional "car" thrown in, until 9!!  He is normally asleep by 8 at the latest.  It was difficult for me because I do not let him cry it out, so if he was crying I'd go up to see what was wrong, he'd try to climb up me to get out of his crib, refuse to take his bottle, or lie down, and did not want to sleep even though he was obviously tired.  He was yawning and his eyes were droopy tired.  So it was a long night.

He woke up once, had a bottle, went back to sleep, and got up at 7 on Sunday.  He seemed really tired so I put him down for his nap at 11, he was asleep by just before noon, it took awhile but he was playing and not crying, so it seemed well.  Then the umm, very nice religious people, came and knocked on the door at 1.  Which set the dog off.  I mean he was barking like crazy, he woke the baby up... sigh... so I grabbed a second bottle and ran in to comfort him, he actually went back to sleep, thank goodness!  But then, at 1:30, the dog barked at some guy walking behind my house... like people do all the freaking time... so again, the baby woke up but this time he was not going back to sleep... another long day.

Then last night, he was hard to get down again, it was after 8 before he fell asleep.  And then just before midnight he woke up. As usual, I took him a bottle.  He took it, and seemed to go back to sleep, or not... for the next 90 minutes I was in and out of his room before I finally told him I was going back to bed and he would just have to go to sleep because I was done.  Of course he understood that :-) he did go back to sleep though, finally.  But it meant I was extra tired this morning so didn't get up to do my workout :-( 

Tonight was more of the same, I should be going to bed so I can at least get a bit of sleep before he wakes up again.  I just don't know what the problem is.  It could be his teeth, his two year molars are right there, I can see one peeking through, and the drool... oh the drool!  I know he has a bit of my cold, his nose is runny, but colds make me tired!  I refuse to let him simply cry, though that is what I'm being more tempted to try. 

I wonder about mom's who say they bring the kids into the bed with them.  I would love to do that if it would work.  But if he's in my bed, he's in my room, and I don't think he'll stay in the bed.  He knows how to get out of it, and he loves to play with everything he can reach in my room.  I'm not sure how to manage that.  Even putting him into a toddler bed, I can't see how that would work, he's into EVERYTHING.  And he tosses and turns, puts his feet between the bars, squishes up in one end of the crib or the other, moves as much as I do when I sleep. 

I just don't know what to do.  I'm sure the bottles are part of the problem, but when I can actually get him to take it, he usually falls asleep.  Oh, and rocking him in the rocking chair now just brings giggles and no longer puts him to sleep... that's a little bit sad.  I hope it gets sorted out soon.  I was so excited a week or two ago when he slept all night through with no wake ups.  I knew it wouldn't last, but I didn't think it would get so much worse!  I cannot see keeping him up until 8 then putting him to bed, I just don't see how that would work. 

Any way, I think this turned out a bit rambling.  I think I need some sleep :-)

I have a cold

I am sure my work is going to end up hating me, every time I am slightly sick now I call in, and don't go to work.  Today I am home because I have a cold.  If I didn't have a baby, I'd probably have gone to work.  But then I would have had the weekend to recover and sleep lots, now I don't have that luxury.  And this weekend promises to be raining and boring, and we'll both probably end up a little bit cranky. 

Even while I was pregnant I called in sick more than I would have before, sometimes because of morning sickness, sometimes I was just too tired and feeling icky to get out of bed.  Now, the slightest illness has me calling in.  It didn't  used to be that way!  I was good about going in, I had sick leave built up.  I also thought if I didn't go in the place would fall apart without me.  Now I don't think that.  And if it does, well honestly they should have planned a little better if that's the case. 

It's kind of funny how having a child puts a new perspective on things, like leaving work at work so I can focus on being a mom while I'm at home.  I went to pick up some groceries today, because I needed some juice and chicken noodle soup (I'm sick after all!) and it was so strange to be there pushing a cart without a toddler in it.  Even while driving, I look back and see his empty car seat, it feels weird.  I feel slightly guilty for taking him to daycare today while I'm home, but I am home to get better (and am going to take another nap in a few minutes), and I have to pay for the day any way. 

I am not sure that moms in relationships, with fathers in the picture, would have it any easier.  From what I've seen, even when sick those moms are expected to take care of everyone.  That may not always be the case of course, but if that was me, I'd be more than resentful if he was all healthy and didn't take care of the baby so I could get better.  I think things like that are why I'm happy as a single mom.  I look at all the work and effort people have to put into their relationships after kids enter the picture, and I just can't see myself doing that. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm sick, but I don't feel sorry for myself, and I know we'll manage.  But I am really glad I have good sick leave and other benefits at work because I sure do use them now!

A rough day

The weather today did not cooperate.  It was humid and cloudy, and threatening to rain all day.  Then it did pour.  I had thought it was supposed to be nice and sunny, a great day to go to the park and play in the backyard.  But alas, it was not the case.  We did get to the park, I was desperate for a break from the whining and fussiness.  But didn't get to stay long as a few drops of rain started to fall, and the poor dog (who is terrified of the rain) was starting to freak out. 

Days like today are hard.  No one is here to help, or give me a break.  I resorted in the end to two videos.  Then a bath.  I do wonder sometimes, if I can handle two.  Most days are great but then there's a day or two, like today, where it all seems to be so much.  I guess if I had a better support system or something it would be better?  I don't know.  I know it'll get better when he can talk more, tell me what the problem is so I don't have to guess.  It could have been his teeth, he was droolier than usual.  Who knows.  I'll never really know. 

Tomorrow will hopefully be a better day. 

And my parents have gone

They came and went in about 36 hours.  It was quick!  And it was nice.  They didn't make too many comments on the cleanliness of my home, and only a couple comments about when I'm going to buy a house.  I managed to not tell them about my wanting another baby, and thus avoided those comments.  It was nice to see them, and Jackson certainly loves them, he was quite thrilled with his Poppy.  Which is nice because I do sometimes worry about the lack of male influence in my house. 

My dad took me to Walmart yesterday too, and we got Jackson a sandbox, and a few other things.  Jackson loves his sandbox.  He will stand at the patio door and say "outside" over and over, then as soon as we go out the door, he runs over to it and tries to lift the lid saying "sandbox!" quite excitedly.  It's very cute.  Now I just need to try and find a slide, every time he sees one he says "slide" and wants to go over to it, which is awkward when they are in someones yard :-) 

We had a great day today too, it was gorgeous weather, so after my parents left we took the dog for a walk, then played in the backyard.  Lunch, nap then some more play, we checked out the basement which has finally been made ready for playing (in hopes it'll be cooler down there in summer).  Some more outside play this afternoon, then dinner, a walk to the park to play, and a signing dvd before bed.  Not that he's asleep yet, he's up there babbling away, but it's past bedtime so unless he starts crying he's on his own. 

My animals are happy my parent's visit was short, especially the cats.  Their very large lab likes to chase kitties, and mine are not used to that.  They come out to check him out but don't stay long, so spend the time  hiding in the basement or other places they can get to that he can't.  Once he's gone they are tentative in coming back out, and then fine. 

The rest of the weekend should be nice as well, tomorrow's weather is supposed to be as nice, and Monday there is a potluck with the Ottawa SMC's.  Which should be fun.  I hope the couple of them who have gone to the local fertility clinic and can give some advice.  I have already asked, and a couple have replied with great insight and advice.  I'm quite excited about making the decision to move forward.  Though this makes it difficult as I normally share pretty much everything with my parents.  And this is not something I can share. 

Now to chill and watch some TV, Dr Who is on :-)  Then we'll see.  Might be an early to bed night!  On a Saturday no less lol.

My parents are coming!

It's a long weekend here in Canada, well Monday is a holiday for most of the country I think any way.  I had to take Friday off as my daycare is closed, which is fine by me!  I told my parents I had Friday off, and they decided to come and visit.  They come in late spring/early summer, and late summer/early fall to help me with my window air conditioner.  They decided to come down Thursday evening, so I decided to take Thursday off as well.  Jackson will still be going to daycare, so I can clean the house.

My parents have very high standards when it comes to cleaning.  I remember as a kid you didn't walk on the carpet after it was vacuumed because you would put footprints on it.  And they always makes comments about all my "stuff".  Yes I have a lot of things, some of it I probably don't need but I am horrible about getting rid of things.  I am pretty sure my mom will make comments about the fact I have baby things, like the jolly jumper and exersaucer, that she thinks I should sell.

They are not for me having a second child.  My mom has made many comments about me not having any more, and in fact suggested I get "fixed" when I was in the hospital having my son.  And I didn't have a c-section.  If and when I decide to get going on a second try, I will not tell them until I am well pregnant. 

My parents are funny, they love their grandchildren, and I know they love me and my sister, but they can be difficult.  My mom more than my dad.  I think I take after my dad more, both in his shopping habits, and in that he is quieter.  My mom is private, but she is also somewhat negative.  I think she's suffered from depression quite often in her life, I know she's been on medication for it, and I think there have been other times she should have been.  In general they both believe that I should live like they do, or like they have.  That I should do things the way they would do them. 

But I am not my parents.  I do not do things the way they want.  I lived with a guy I wasn't married to.  I had a child on my own.  I rent, I didn't buy.  I bought a used car.  I have two cats and a dog.  I don't clean the house as much as they would.  I don't cook the way they would.  I didn't start my son on solids in a way they approved of.  I don't let my baby cry it out, and I "spoil" him in their eyes.  I think my life is pretty good though.  My son is happy, and smart.  We spend time together, instead of worrying about dusting.  We manage.

I really am looking forward to their visit.  I do love my parents.  They have been good to me, to us.  They have supported me financially in the past, and like I said, they love me. 

It should be an interesting few days.  Oh, did I mention?  They have a black lab, a very big black lab :-)  I'll have quite a full house!

How to have fun

I've been trying to figure out what to get for the backyard, what would be fun to have back there to play with.  So we don't have to go to the park all the time.  It's hard because it's a small yard, and I don't want to spend a lot of money.  I had wanted to get a water table, but I went cheap and got a couple dish pans and buckets from the dollar store.  Not great quality but someone doesn't mind. 

He had a lot of fun playing with such cheap toys, and ended up dumping all the water on himself.  But he had fun! 

I'm learning a lot from him about having fun and enjoying life.  It doesn't take much to get a giggle from him, the simplest things bring a smile to his face.  Tonight he found a ball and dropped it, it bounced and he thought that was hilarious.  Doesn't take much. 

I'm a fairly serious person, I always have been.  I enjoy things, and I do laugh, but I like quiet and alone time.  Having a child doesn't give you much time for that, but I do manage to find some "me" time.  I get to read, just not as much as I used to.  I watch my tv shows, though they sometimes get interrupted (I really need a pvr!).  I think Jackson takes after me in some ways, he will sit with a toy and concentrate on it, enjoying it but not being crazy about it.  But he still likes to have fun.

And this is how you relax after a hard day playing and having fun.

People are strange

I've finally been making some decisions about when/if to have another baby.  I love my son more than anything, he makes my life so amazingly full and wonderful, I love every moment I get to spend with him, and somehow any of the not so great moments get forgotten as soon as they've passed.  I want more.  I really believe I was meant to be a mom, and that I was meant to have more than one child.

I've decided that for the next 12 weeks, roughly until the end of July, I need to stick to my exercise plan, stick to my budget and stick to eating healthier.  If I can do that for 12 weeks, and lose some weight, and find a new family doctor (anyone know of any in Ottawa accepting new patients?  lol) I will get a referral to the local fertility clinic.  And go from there.  Ideally I'd like to lose 35 pounds and have $4000 in the bank to start the fertility stuff.  I'm in Canada so a lot of it is covered (like the IUI and ultrasounds and blood tests).  Drugs are partly covered by my health plan at work. So it's just the clinic's fee and the sperm itself I'll have to pay for.  I think :-)  I'll be looking more into that over the next 12 weeks too. 

I've told a couple people of my plans, no one in my family as they are against me having another baby as it's "too hard" to do alone.  One person I told asked what about using my ex, my son's donor/father, and I agreed that would save me some money.  I'm pretty sure he'd volunteer for a pizza dinner.  But I don't really think I want to do that again.  I will choose a donor with similar features, so my kids have a chance of looking similar. 

One person told me I'm crazy, I have a son who is great and I should buy a house instead.  The problem with that is of course I want another baby.  And if I have to save for a down payment on a house, that's about 4 or 5 years of saving before I really have enough.  And to start trying then, at 40 +, well that seems like it won't work.  So I'm choosing baby before house. 

Is it bad that I rent?  I have a nice townhouse, it's got 3 bedrooms, a finished basement, a small backyard, a garage, more than 1 bathroom.  I have a washer, dryer and dishwasher.  If something breaks, I call the landlord and they come fix it.  Unless it's something quick and easy (like the toilet leak I fixed myself lol).  If I own a house, I have to do all that stuff myself, I have to mow the lawn and shovel the driveway, I have to fix things and replace things. 

I've also told a few people that I want more kids, nothing specific in terms of time frames, and they are all supportive.  Or seem to be at least.  I have one friend who thinks I should find myself a husband, and she recommends a friend of hers (I think) but again, I don't really think I want that.  I never really had a wedding, husband dream, except for a bit when I was in a relationship, and really even then I don't think it was really what I wanted, just what was expected of a relationship.  I will admit there are moments when I miss certain parts of a man.  But those moments pass. 

At this point, I don't know how I would share myself with a man, I am so much involved in being a mom.  To be honest, I don't know how married people do it.  How do you stay on track and involved with your spouse?  I think it would require a lot of work, and more than I have the energy to spend.  So as part of my decision, I'm going to stay happily single, and pursue another child, and eventually a house.